The Damn DSCC Weekly Email; A Plea From John Edwards!
Topic: Politics

Two emails in one week. This must be a major issue! Actually, it's from John Edwards, who is pleading for your help to raise the minimum wage to $7.25 in the next three years.

Good for that. We're all behind that. But what is interesting is what comes after his plea for our petition signature.

We have set a goal of getting over 125,000 co-sponsors of this bill so that we can personally deliver your signatures to Senate Republican leaders. One hundred and twenty-five thousand supporters is a number they cannot ignore. Already, we've got the Republicans on the run on this issue.

Ah, so the Republicans are opposed to this. Considering this is the first we've heard of this initiative, we doubt this statement. After all, these "rich fools" would need happy laborers to run their death plants, or whatever it is they do, right? We think this is some Democratic whining hoping for pity points. Well, actually, if course it is. The email is from John Edwards, who had nothing to do with introducing this bill. And now he's got his name tacked everywhere on the email claiming he was all over it like white on rice.

Get a life John. Just stop, because we'll support your minimum wage bill, but no one really listens to you. You're like a male college cheerleader. Good looking and a complete party animal idiot. Oh shit. You have all the qualifications to be President. Shit.


DSCC

Missouri Congresswoman Mails Constituent Profane Letter; Somewhere An Intern Is Peeing His Pants
Topic: Politics

We have received a plethora of form letters from politicians since starting this site nearly two years ago. Most of them have either been of the "cease & desist" variety, but that is neither here nor there. But when Missouri Rep. Jo Ann Emerson sent a letter to one of her constituents, we doubt she meant to cap it off like she did.

No, it was not with the hand written note at the bottom which said "PS - Please forgive the delay in responding." Instead, it read "I think you're an asshole."

Ha ha! Greatest political letter ever. So who wrote this correspondence? Certainly not Rep. Emerson.

“There is no excuse for this inappropriate letter having been sent, and every apology has been made to the individual who received it. We cannot determine whether the addition to the letter was made by someone within the office or by someone with access to the office, but it is on my letterhead and the responsibility for it lies with me. A valuable lesson has been learned and new procedures will be adopted as a result.”

Holy crap, she took responsibility. Probably because she had to, especially since the only reason the letter was broken to the public was because it was faxed to the Missouri Democratic Party. But we can guarantee you where this angry swearing came from.

A low ranking member of the staff had undoubtedly been taking many perturbed phone calls from the recipient wondering the status of whatever his dumb crap was. So they wrote it as a joke/revenge, and no one noticed and sent it on to Rep. Emerson, who pretty much signs anything you put on her desk.

Are we close? We bet so.


MSNBC

Say It Ain't So! Scotty Mac Resigns as White House Press Secretary
Topic: Politics

Possibly tired of his constant task of having to BS the press into believing totally wild reports about the goings on in the world, White House Press Secretary Scotty Mac, Mr. Scott McClellan, resigned from his job this morning, leaving a void in Bush's cabinet and in our heart that will never be filled quite the same.

"I have given it my all sir and I have given you my all sir, and I will continue to do so as we transition to a new press secretary," Scotty Mac said.

Doesn't that somehow reek of defeat and disappointment? Wonder if Bush will say anything as such.

"I thought he handled his assignment with class, integrity," the president said. "It's going to be hard to replace Scott, but nevertheless he made the decision and I accepted it. One of these days, he and I are going to be rocking in chairs in Texas and talking about the good old days."

The good old days? Now I understand why Scotty decided to leave; his boss is delusional. We wish you luck, Mr. McClellan, and we promise our ribbings of you have ended.

After this final one, fatty.


AP via YAHOO! NEWS

The Damn Weekly DSCC Email; Barack Obama Hates Government, Not President
Topic: Politics

We are a bit, perplexed, to say the least, when it comes to this week's Democratic Senatorial Campaign Committee email. For the past two weeks, we've been getting hammered by no names. Now, they seem to be pulling out the big guns. Yes, ladies and gentlemen, the people that people actually like.

Like this week's guest emailer, Illinois Senator Barack Obama. Now the past five emails have consisted of the following sharply written prose; "Bush sucks, Rick Santorum is a douche, give us money so the GOP loses." But Obama, ever the politician, shies away from this Barbara Boxer-esque diatribe and goes off on his own tangent. Choice tidbits and commentary follow.

I've had enough of the attitude that we'd be better off if we just divvy it up into individual tax breaks and let everyone fend for themselves. I think we've all had enough of being told to buy your own health care, your own retirement security, your own child care, your own schools, your own private security force, your own roads, and your own levees. - Nice Katrina reference. Granted, Sen. Obama doesn't have to buy any of this, but he's got a damn good point. We don't even have health insurance.

It's the timidity - the smallness - of our politics that's holding America back and making our people uncertain. The idea that some problems are just too big to handle, and if you just ignore them, they'll go away. - This is actually incorrect. The GOP went after the big issues like terrorism, health care, social security and Medicare. They just fucked it up.

We, as Democrats, have a responsibility to change our politics. Now is the time for us to stand up and make our mark on history. It's time for America to learn how to dream again and to do great things in the face of serious challenges. - Of course, as Republicans, the GOP have a responsibility to change our politics too. So do the Libertarians. And the Green Party. Just saying.

So at least this email was a message of hope instead of the "everybody blows but us" hypocritical horse shit of the previous emails. Thanks Senator Obama, for bringing back dignity to politics, even if you are straddling a sharp political fence. We hope you don't slip and hurt yourself.


DSCC

New White House Policy; Everybody Makes Mistakes
Topic: Politics

This has been a day filled with political news, be it President Bush's falling approval ratings or new admission of incompetence by the White House. Well, in light of that second breaking story, WH Spokesman Scotty Mac unveiled the new policy for dealing with reporters; everybody fucks up.

“The White House is not an intelligence-gathering agency.”

He stopped here, only a nano-second short of saying "It's an intelligence ignoring agency."

It would appear that President Bush and his administration did indeed ignore or not even notice statements by scientists that the trailers Bush claimed were used for making nerve gas and chemical weapons in Iraq weren't actually used for that at all. We're going to let the Washington Post explain, because we seem to have a way of wrapping a rant around the facts.

Bush declared in a May 2003 television interview, “We have found the weapons of mass destruction.” The claim, repeated by top administration officials for months afterward, was cited at the time as supporting evidence for the decision to go to war.

The Washington Post reported Wednesday that experts on a Pentagon-sponsored mission who examined the trailers concluded that they had nothing to do with biological weapons and sent their findings to Washington in a classified report on May 27, 2003.

One day later, the Central Intelligence Agency and Defense Intelligence Agency publicly issued an assessment saying the opposite — that U.S. officials were confident that the trailers were used to produce biological weapons. The assessment said the mobile facilities represented “the strongest evidence to date that Iraq was hiding a biological warfare program.” On May 29, 2003, the president repeated the claims from the public intelligence report.

Of course, Scotty Mac, master of the legendary move called "The Brush Off," did in fact brush this off. Damn he's good.


MSNBC

The Damn DSCC Weekly Email Update; Things Getting Less Rosey
Topic: Politics

Every week we receive updates from the Democratic Senatorial Campaign Committee just reminding us how much Bush is dicking up and how much our previous financial assistance (none - ed.) has been appreciated. This week's email comes two days early and from yet another person we have never heard of or received a communication from in our lives; Executive Director J.B. Poersch. Mr. (or Mrs. for all we know) Poersch isn't a fan of Bush either, but makes absolutely no points other than a solicitation for money, because even though last week's fundraising bout was good, apparently $800,000 isn't nearly enough to run a successful campaign. We respond here with "no shit, idiot."

Sen. Conrad Burns was the number one Senate ambassador for convicted Republican lobbyist Jack Abramoff. The good news is that it's working. The latest polls show Burns losing to either of the leading Democratic candidates. - First, we don't know what's working, but whatever. Second, if he's losing to either two, that means that combined they're beating him, but separately, they're losing. Send money, please.

The latest polls show Democrat Bob Casey with a strong, double-digit lead. I am certain that now is the time to keep the pressure on and put Santorum so far behind, he can't possibly recover. - Santorum sucks, but he hasn't started campaigning yet, and Casey's been campaigning for eight months now. He'd better watch his back if he wants to kick sleezeball out of office. Send money, please.

For some reason, Rick Santorum has been the focus of all of these emails, and it finally came to light to us. In fact, it's so simple we should be required to drown ourselves for not noticing sooner. Santorum is from Pennsylvania. Lots of Electoral votes. Ahhhhhhhh.

So, this week's message was? That's right. Democrats need money. Here's another ad for you.

Kerry Blames Federal Money for Loss; Next Week it Will be Killer Bees or Lupus
Topic: Politics
John Kerry has once again shifted the blame for his loss in the 2004 Presidential election, this time moving away from his previous faults on Osama bin Laden, racism, jealousy, poor people and conspiracy. No, this time it was the government's fault for funding his campaign.

What?

"I think the biggest mistake was probably not going outside the federal financing so we could have controlled our own message."

"We had a 13-week general election, they had an eight-week general election. We had the same pot of money. We had to harbor our resources in a different way and we didn't have the same freedom."

Ah yes, except that taking the federal money does not stop a candidate from using their own money they had raised during the campaign, as it didn't do to Kerry. That means that once again this is another excuse on which to blame a campaign with no message and no direction which should have easily creamed a sitting President who couldn't tie his own shoes.

Way to take the blame Kerry. Go ahead and run in 2008. We doubt you'd even vote for yourself.


AP via YAHOO! NEWS (first item)

The Damn DSCC Weekly Email Update; Blah, Blah, Blah
Topic: Politics

Somehow we got on the Democratic Senatorial Campaign Committee's email list and they seem to think that we are major contributors to their cause. So that entitles us to some nice inside information and posturing from one of the two political parties, which we will now share for you in a moment of end of the work week assholeism. What follows are a few of the prime snippets from Ms. Anne Lewis, who must do something for the DSCC, but we don't know what that is.

Republican opponents have nearly three times as much money combined as our Democratic candidates have to spend on the race. For example, Rick Santorum has $4 million more than Democrat Bob Casey has to spend on TV ads and other campaign activities that can chip away at Casey's lead in the polls. - Yes, this is because the GOP didn't throw it into attack ads during the 2004 election series. That was your bad.

Democrats have a powerful message on achieving real national security and will be sticking to it in the coming months in order to hold George Bush accountable for the arrogance and incompetence his administration has shown in handling the issue.

In fact, the DSCC released a new poll this week that shows - for the first time ever - more Americans trust Democrats to provide the tough and smart solutions our nation needs in order to provide real security. - This poll was conducted using registered Democrats as the sample subjects. Seriously, they said this on the DSCC web site.

Finally, more good news from Pennsylvania this week, where yet another poll shows Democrat Bob Casey with a healthy lead over Republican Rick "K Street" Santorum. A brand new Quinnipiac University poll shows Casey maintaining his double digit lead, 48%-37%. - We agree. Rick Santorum sucks. We did not, however, know his nickname was "K Street," whatever the shit that means.

So thanks for the email update Anne. From what we've gathered from it, the Democrats are broke, we donated some much needed money (which we didn't - ed.), Bush is Satan (or Hitler, it's ambiguous), and the GOP is just a club for rich boys. How's John Kerry, Anne? Still enjoying living in his nine fucking houses?


DSCC

Political Pickpocketing Continues! We Help the Democrats Raise $800k Without Spending a Goddamn Dime
Topic: Politics

Over the past week, we received many more emails from the DSCC, or Democratic Senatorial Campaign Committee, including from such official people as Harry Reid, Senate Minority Leader, and John Frankenkerry. But today, we received our most uplifting email so far and feel compelled to share it with you because of the sheer idiocy of what is said inside these emails.

Dear JAMES,

I signed on to be the DSCC Chair because I knew that Senate Democrats were the only thing standing between the hard right of the Republican Party and absolute power over our country. These extremists threaten decades of social progress and put the America we know and love in serious jeopardy.

Thanks to you, we're going to stop their extreme agenda in its tracks.

Every time the DSCC asked for your support in the last three months, you answered the call. Every goal we set, you just blew right by it. Ultimately, the DSCC's grassroots army is directly responsible for raising more than $800,000 on line in just the year's first quarter.

That's nearly one million dollars the DSCC will use in our campaign to elect a Democratic Senate and put a stop to the right-wing takeover in Washington.

Your support for the DSCC has never been more important. I don't have to remind you that our well-financed opponents have a significant advantage in campaign money to spend. In the four states where Democratic challengers are leading Republican incumbents, those sitting Republican senators hold a campaign fund raising edge of nearly 3-to-1.

With your help, the DSCC will level that playing field. In the coming weeks, pundits and journalists will examine our fund raising totals and compare them to our opponents so they can declare who has the momentum leading up to Election Day.

Thanks to all your hard work and dedication, I am confident that they will confirm what I have said for months: momentum is on our side.

Democratic challengers are winning the latest polls against Republican incumbents in no fewer than four states. Democrat Bob Casey has a strong lead against Republican Sen. Rick Santorum in Pennsylvania. Claire McCaskill in Missouri leads Republican Sen. Jim Talent. Republican Senators Conrad Burns and Mike DeWine are both trailing Democrats in Montana and Ohio, respectively.

The bottom line is that your generous support puts us in an even stronger position to win in November. I am confident that we will elect a Democratic Senate and put a stop to George Bush's extreme agenda.

But we cannot do it without you. Thank you again.

Sincerely,

Chuck Schumer

In the political game, $800,000 is like A cups on a porn star; everyone started with them and only a few people do something with them. And for the record, we didn't give a dime to any of these folks, especially since none of those that were asking for money even live in our state. Way to Chucky S. You're an idiot.


DSCC

Tom DeLay Succumbs to Democrats! Won't Run Again!
Topic: Politics

After a year marked with ethics, business and personal scandal, Democrats across the country can cheer as Tom DeLay, former GOP Majority Party Leader in the House, announced he was calling it quits and will not run for re-election. The Texas Hammer is done, forever to be a blip in the history books as one of the great downfalls in the House of Reps.

“Tom DeLay’s decision to leave Congress is just the latest piece of evidence that the Republican Party is a party in disarray, a party out of ideas and out of energy,” said Bill Burton, a spokesman for the Democratic Congressional Campaign Committee.

Unfortunately for Mr. Burton, he failed to notice how his own party is struggling to take advantage of the major missteps of the GOP and hasn't won a major election season since Bill Clinton was in office. Ouch. But now it's time for the political posturing and stance taking that we will undoubtedly see for at least the remaining year to come. Should be fun to see how this is spun. We're guessing that the Republicans will say that it was a Democratic take down, while the Dems will try to announce that this is just another corrupt politician. Look for more scandal. Fun!


MSNBC

Political Pickpocketing Continues! John Edwards Joins the Fray
Topic: Politics

As we reported last week, Hillary Rodham Horse-humping Clinton was attempting to squeeze money out of us for her upcoming reelection campaign, i.e. her "me for pres" push. And now, another former Presidential candidate who tried to get by on good looks and NO experience is at it again, sending us emails begging for money that is desperately needed to stop the demon that is President Bush, even though this "son of a mill worker" is anything but poor and has WAY more money than we could ever spend on strippers. The completely odd thing is that instead of using his own image, he used a picture of balding Senator Ron Wyden.

If we thought that Edwards would make a good leader (or were women - ed.), we would donate the $75,000 that he needs to "stop George W. Bush." Wait a second. $75,000 is all it takes to stop George W. Bush? What're they doing, hiring a drunken hitman?


DSCC.ORG

The Political Pickpocketing Has Begun! The Democrats Strike First
Topic: Politics

As we checked our email for the fourteenth time in a row, hoping to see that our insurance payment had not bounced out of our massively overspent checking account, we received the first of undoubtedly many emails that we will receive from political candidates in the 2006 election season. Who, you might ask was it from? A candidate whose district we are in? Nay.

Hillary Rodham Horse-humping Clinton.

We're proud moderates, and we H A T E Hillary Rodham Horse-humping Clinton. Hate her with a fire so deep and angry that it almost consumes us before we're able to choke down the medication. Hate her more than the English hated Napoleon. Hate her almost as much as we hate Michael Horse-eating Moore. Yeah, that bad.

So our next question would be, why would we donate money to one of the most manipulative, notoriously bitchy Senate candidates, from New York, mind you, instead of giving it to say, Sully's Liquor Store around the corner.

We wouldn't. Go fuck yourself Hillary Rodham Horse-humping Clinton. No one here likes you.

New Polls Show Even Less Approval For Bush; Damn Ports Deal!
Topic: Politics

President Bush must be cursing his standing up for the United Arab Emirates ports deal, since it's caused his ratings to plummet back towards the mid-30s and has even taken him out of favor in his won party. With just 37 percent of the American people not giving their approval for the President, and his Republican support dropping from 82 percent to 74 percent, it's a wonder he doesn't just show up on TV and give everyone the bird. At least that way he'd get the youth vote again.

Iraq, however, is getting some mixed numbers. 77 percent of you think that the country's going to break out in civil war at anytime, even though we'd put the argument out that it already is, what with the whole one side fighting against the other side, but I guess until they break up into units and start training, then there won't be a... oh, wait... they're already doing that.

Anyway, even with that 77 percent of you getting ready for war, you're split down the middle on whether or not a democratic government will form, with 48 percent saying both yes and no. So which is it America? Which is it? We all know Bush can't get it right, but can Iraq? You decide. Text your votes in now. Seacrest, out.


MSNBC

Bush Approval Ratings In! Welcome to the Suck
Topic: Politics

What with the Dubai port anger and all the Cheney shooting his friend stuff, President Bush's approval ratings took a slide from the 42% it was at last week to an astoundingly low 34% this week, pretty much because people don't trust anything Arab.

Yes, guess you're right, we are supporters of the Dubai port deal. It's a British company that has its headquarters in Dubai folks. The Coast Guard will still be running security not Al Qaeda. Funny how the Democrats can argue racism against the GOP, but then they have no problem flaunting their own.

Perhaps this is a ploy by the Bush Administration to show the leftist thoughts on race and prove that they're simply using them for votes and really couldn't give a crap about them. Or maybe we're giving Bush too much credit and he's getting a kickback. Probably the second.


REUTERS via YAHOO! NEWS

Bush Gettin' Pissed Over Port Deal
Topic: Politics

By now, everyone has heard about the port deal President Bush made with an Arab owned company to handle all daily operations. The Cliff Notes version of the story is that people that claim to be pillars of the tolerance and acceptance community are now freaking out because Bush, oh my God, is letting an Arab country run our ports and, oh my God, terrorist threats are now coming from... Arabs. Hypocrites.

Then again, even some of the most staunch Bush supporters are up in arms, a la Bill Frist.

"The decision to finalize this deal should be put on hold until the administration conducts a more extensive review of this matter," said Frist, R-Tenn. "If the administration cannot delay this process, I plan on introducing legislation to ensure that the deal is placed on hold until this decision gets a more thorough review."

Ooh, Frister's gettin' some nuts on him. Mr. President, your response?

"They ought to listen to what I have to say about this. They'll look at the facts and understand the consequences of what they're going to do," President Bush said. "But if they pass a law, I'll deal with it with a veto."

OH SNAP!

You just got rocked son. Bush hasn't used his veto power in five years. Don't screw with the President Frist. You'll get your ass twisted.

But the dogs are getting yippy. Republican Senator Susan Collins and Democratic Representative Jane Harman are going to issue a "joint resolution of disapproval" when they get back to the Capital next week. First... what the shit is a "joint resolution of disapproval" and can it stop anything? No, right? Then who cares. And second, when you get back to the Capital next week? God we love it when our lawmakers love our country.

"Look, I know this is pretty important, but I haven't finished the new Harry Potter yet, so it can wait."

But we're not gonna lie: Bush has been wrong about a lot of things. So what we're gonna do is sit back and wait for the sub-committees to talk it over and then spout their biased opinion about the topic back at us. Because as of now, we really don't think it's that big of a deal. The Coast Guard is in charge of security at those ports, not the company, right? Right. So let our military handle it.


ASSOCIATED PRESS

Senate Massively Backs Patriot Act; Get the Lube Ready, America
Topic: Politics

The United States Senate overwhelmingly voted yes to re-up the Patriot Act for another four years, with a whopping 96-3 vote. However, with the bill expiring on March 10 yet again, they'll be hard pressed to get it through Congress, meaning that we'll have to stop torturing people in prison and taking away people's shit for a day or two.

The only reason that there was such support for it this time around was Presidential compromises that protected more civil liberties. So after some procedural crap that has to be done, the Senate will vote on each section of the Patriot Act and should finish it up by the end of the month.

Then it goes to Congress, who will undoubtedly have it for at least a month as well before ending up on the President's desk where Cheney will make him sign it.

Than your ass is theirs. Good luck!


MSNBC

Bush, Congress Suck; New Approval Ratings Released
Topic: Politics

Why we here at Heart of Darko are always interested in approval polls is beyond us. They serve as no barometer for anything, considering that the survey is of 1,000 people at random, and having a sample size of 1,000 in a country of hundreds of millions is like looking at ten M&Ms; in a two pound bag to see what the color break down is.

Regardless of that, here are the new returns:

Bush: 40% approval - stagnant from previous week

Bush on Economy: 39% approval - see above

Bush on Terror: 47% - up from 42% as the wire tap thing fades away

Congress: LOW - 47% want Democratic control, 36% want Republican

So there are your numbers, worthless as they are. Perhaps we'll get something big next time, like a one or two point raise or drop. Anything to get us out of the doldrums of mid-term polling. But the mid-term elections are also coming up, so hopefully we'll be able to get some good ads, speeches and stupid comments.


AP via YAHOO! NEWS

GOP's Pulls a Boner With Boehner
Topic: Politics

While we merely wanted to say "boner" in a headline, perhaps the Republicans should've chosen someone else as the new House Majority Leader, as it's been announced today that their new selection, John Boehner (pronounced BAY-ner - ed.) rents his D.C. apartment from a lobbyist and his wife. After the Abramoff crap, this might have not been such a slick move.

Boehner's spokesman Don Seymour Jr. had this to say:

“It is conceivable that John Milne may have lobbied Boehner on a few occasions over the years, but we are not aware of any specific instances of it, and we are certain no lobbying has taken place during the time in which John Boehner has been renting the property.”

So will this bite the GOP in the ass? Who can honestly say? Someone could fling a random criminal's name at a Republican congressman now and it could be linked like you were playing "Six Degrees of Kevin Bacon." Not that it's all undeserved or anything. Just remember that the Democrat congressman aren't angels either. Ted Kennedy. Need we say more?


MSNBC

Exxon to President Bush; "Shut Up, Stupid."
Topic: Politics

We'll freely admit that we didn't watch Bush's State of the Union address. And not because we thought it was a dumb movie about the Presidency or terrorism. We just didn't give a crap.

But everyone now knows about Bush's statement about being "addicted to oil" and getting away from foreign sources of oil. Well, Exxon-Mobil, mere days after posting record earnings for ANY American company, held up their middle finger to President Bush, all the while laughing and rubbing their nipples (or so we imagine them doing so - ed.).

"Americans depend upon imports to fill the gap," Exxon Mobil Senior Vice President Stuart McGill said. "No combination of conservation measures, alternative energy sources and technological advances could realistically and economically provide a way to completely replace those imports in the short or medium term."

"Realistically, it is simply not feasible in any time period relevant to our discussion today."

He also went on to say that it would be a misconception that this can be accomplished. Our question is, what percentage of oil that Exxon-Mobil refines comes from foreign sources? We'd like to know that number, just to see what they've got at stake here.


REUTERS

An Open Dialog About Politics and John Kerry with James Andresen and The Heart of Darko
Topic: Politics

We've noticed lately that it's coming off that we're massive Bush supporters who hate everything liberal and want nobody but the rich to survive. This is entirely not true. We're going to vote for Kinky Friedman in the Texas gubernatorial election, think Bush is pretty much half retarded, yet still loathe Hillary Clinton. What does that make us? Correct, a libertarian or moderate, depending on which political way you lean.

But we can't help Senator John Kerry being stupid. He's doing it to himself. After an abysmally run presidential campaign during which time he should've cleaned up, he came out with a "Message of the Day" platform that torpedoed himself. Then the excuses came and he looked like a sniveling spoiled elitist brat who wanted to take his ball and go home.

Now he's gone completely against every statement he made during the campaign (and people say that campaign promising is no longer alive - ed.) and just said some of the most dumb things we've ever heard a politican say. It continued in a post-State of the Union interview this morning with Katie Couric on Today.

COURIC: He wanted to train 70,000 additional teachers in math and science.

KERRY: That's terrific. But 53 percent of our children don't graduate from high school. Kids don't have after-school programs... He didn't ask America to sacrifice anything to achieve great goals and the biggest example is making the tax cut permanent for the wealthiest people in America. The average American struggles to find time to take carry of families, working two or three jobs... It's a disgrace. He did not tell the real state of the union.

What? 53% don't graduate from high school? Honestly Senator Kerry, did you just pull that number out of your ass? 85.9% of 20-24 year olds graduated from high school, and graduation rates are at an all time high. So what the hell are you talking about?

Do you see now why we dislike this man so much? He makes up facts that don't even seem to be close to correct. We think he's given us the right to make fun of him... constantly. Douche.


DRUDGE REPORT

P.S. - And no, that is not us in the picture. It's some dude from the Duke physics department.