Vacation Memo
I—Nelson Cooke the reformed pirate—’m weighing anchor for summer vacation. Some of you may have heard I’m planning to fly down to the Caribbean isle of St. Kitts, wrangle me a crew at that notorious pirate hangout, the Blowfish, use a fast boat to seize a nearly-as-fast superyacht, hit Dealer Dan’s Illegal Munitions Plus and outfit her with howitzers, then go after a cargo ship transporting silver ingots, among other stuff, to Argentina. These plans were posted on the internet by Stupid George. Well, George is—and I don’t expect this’ll shock anybody—wrong. He’s confusing fact with fiction—see, I write a book of pirate fiction. Also, George only read to page six (oddly, he started on page eight).

What I’m doing is this: I’m renting a secluded cabin in Canada, which, yeah, would be a really good alibi if I was going pirating, but I am not. I will in fact be going for hikes and stuff like that.

Happy sails to all of you, shipmates, and may your ’powder always stay dry.

P.S. Click this link for a swell summer piratic reading book if you miss me. Below is a scrimshaw of the Blowfish, a place I won’t be.