TidBits
Mood:  cool
Now Playing: nobody told me there'd be days like these
Topic: Reilly
Yesterday began February vacation for Raye. So to kick things off on a proper note, we drove to Yale to see the dinosaur bones- any first grader's dream! Of course the exhibits held far more excited children and weary adults than it was designed to hold and we became worm out and sick of people after a short time. Happily the dinosaurs were the first hall and we spent lots of time in there before the place became not fun to be in anymore. I am SO happy my daughter is almost 7 and doesnt scream in crowded museums.

Most first graders will matter of factly inform people of my generation and older that there is actually no such thing as Brontosaurus anymore, that there was a mistake and Brontosaurus ("thunder lizard" we hardly knew ye) is now called Apatosaurus ("deceptive lizard"- not as inspiring). This museum holds the only fossils named Brontosaurus in the world. The Yale scientist who collected and named Brontosaurus had only a few bones to go by at the time. Upon recieving a big box of more bones, he realized that this was actually Apatosaurus after all and that it was the same species exhibiting a phenomenon of bone-fusing as it matured and not a separate dino after all. Interestingly, one can name individual fossils, so the skeleton at Yale is Brontosaurus the Apatosaurus.

Interestingly, fossil dino tracks have their own names, independent from the name of the creature that made them. So if Brontosaurus the Apatosaurus walked across the mud flats of contemporary Connecticut, his tracks are not called "Apatosaurus tracks" but "eobrontes" or something like that. I am not sure what the names are because our tour of dinosaur places-to-go was cut short when we discovered that dinosaur tracks state park was not open on Mondays.

This week Raye will be joining Reilly and I at the field for a Pack of Three. Even though it was below freezing today, I heard no complaints out of the girl the whole walk, because she was hurrying about, playing that we were under a swamp.

When Rei and I went to the field on Saturday we parked in the lot near The Building- plenty of spaces. We noticed a bright red hummer pull ON the grass IN the field, just inside the gate. the driver got out, let his dog out - a Keeshond? -fluffy grey spitz type- and stood next to his vehicle talking on his cell phone. He did not walk around the field. He did not drive around on the field. He just put his shiny truck on the grass enough to show that he could, and furthermore WOULD, but wasn't interested in the community. The dog sniffed around, neither of them interacted with anybody, then they hopped back in their ostentatious vehicle and left.

I thought about how hard those of who use the field daily try to keep it picked up, and observe the courtesies of community and sociability. This Hummer guy drove INTO the field solely so his dog could leave a pile and nothing more. He did not have to park with the commoners, nor did he have to risk conversation and connection by having to walk from the parking area around to the gate into the hayfield. He did not pick up. I am appalled.

I feel a strange relief that Mitch failed the good dog test. I feel at this moment a security that even if some days are boring socially, that Reilly has it very good and is quite fulfilled as an only dog. She has me. Even if I can't wrestle as well as a dog, she doesn't care one bit and wants to play with me very much anyway. It kindof hit me when I reread a page in one of my dog books: "Don't get a second dog as a companion for the first, or expect that you will need to play with your dog less because he has a companion- it's YOU they both want."

I was worried that Rei would become less my Familiar and just one of The Dogs. I don't know if that would happen, but I really only have enough alone time for each Jeff, Me, Raye and Rei and a minute of two here and there for each cat. I cannot have two Familiars. She is Chrys' Dog, Reilly. and I am Reilly's Owner, Chrystal. I did not want to compromise depth of connection with Rei for a larger pack. I did not want to change the things Rei and I do together, the places we can go, the quiet way we can communicate as we hike, or that she sleeps at the foot of my bed. (Jeff points out that 2 dogs in the bedroom is too many for him.) I think Rei is just the right number of dogs for us. We will go camping this summer and Rei will come with us, and I have great confidence that she will be trusty and good and we will all have a good time sleeping in the tent.

Reilly Especially
Mood:  cool
Topic: behave!
More experience with the promising shelter dog, Mitchell, showed Laura that he did indeed pass several tests. She got him to sit and to let her handle his paws and so forth. Time spent with him pointed all signs to GO. Her husband Scott agreed to allow a foster dog in the house after all, and this experience revealed things that could only be known by trying it. Playing outside in the yard with Cody and Cleo- A+ wonderful! Going inside, OK! introduction of nylabones - Cody gives Mitch 2 Dewclaws down due to Devil Dog object guarding. Like Kaylee (whom it now occurs to me as I write we called "Kaylee Ann Mitchell" because her foster mother's last name was Mitchell) this guy acted out in the presence of treasure. Laura sensibly and disappointedly brought him and the information that he would transition most successfully to a home with no other dogs back to the shelter. She is going through the same rollercoaster of questions and emotions that I went through around Kaylee, except in a very concentrated amount of time.

There are some things you just can't tell until they are tried. It may be that Mitch will win some dogless person's heart and having only to adjust to indoor family life he can gain confidence and gradually learn his other graces, like sharing. Since his reaction was so similar to Kaylee's, I think this may be common with dogs who spend developmental puppy months in the shelter. The behaviorist I spoke with in the Kaylee Days said that these dogs are not used to having resources at leisure and they guard them and react pretty fiercely- it takes a special kind of effort to rehabilitate them. Project dogs. No matter how well intended your heart may be, your family home may not be the right enviroment to conduct this rehab. Laura has two happy dogs and a home clicking nicely along, I have a dog and a soon-to be 7 year old girl. Both of us are knowledgeable and caring and want to do right things, but we do not have the ideal situations for rehabbing dogs with behavior issues.

So in a way it is disappointing but in another way I feel relief and extra value for the good things I have. I had some important conversations with Jeff, and I do not have to make wild fluctuation from my current Life O' Reilly. I still think 2 dogs could be fun but given the family I already have and love, I think our best odds for success would be by adding a baby puppy rather than a dog with history to this mix. I have promised Jeff that we will not upend our life with more pets for the rest of 2006. We may revisit in spring of 2007. maybe.

It is fun to have Cody and Cleo over, or Scout, and to visit dog friends. It is fun to take Rei everywhere, stores, bank, mom's house for holidays. She can be my sidekick and have lots of fun and privelige. Robin to my Batman. Is it Chrystal and Reilly or Chrys and her dogs? Just thinking.

Lucky at Lunch
Mood:  lucky
Topic: Ma Nature
I had lunch with mom- Chicken salad spiral with sundried cranberries, lettuce and carrots- and returned home to find a large thick pine branch lying in the driveway right where I park the Scooby. Thankyou mom for inviting the car and I to lunch!

Had a fantastic brownie as well...mmm!

It is extremely windy here, 65mph wind warning. The rain came through and is gone so we have sunshine, blue skies and howling wind. It is also trash day, so the cans are rolling around the road and the lids will need to be tracked down. I am doing work - waiting for checks on 4 new Team ID projects!- and Reilly is doing this:

She loves that ball. I sewed it up for her after she unstuffed it to Kill Squeeky!! so it now resembles a bean more than a soccer ball.

For the record- Jeff says a second dog will NOT have to shake gold coins out of his ear for him to consider the idea. But it would require a lot of convincing. We'll talk.

I think if we might like to have 2 dogs, then we should think about it proactively instead of reactively: what would that process acceptably be like? Considering what we learned from the Kaylee Fiasco.

- researching breeds, choosing one, finding a breeder and waiting on a litter?
- wait for an appropriate time of year (such as june when Raye is home to help me all summer) and find a male baby pup at Sterling/ Salem?
- rescue a promising young male from a shelter with sufficient information and actual meet and greet?
- other?

problems with the way we got Kaylee
-Brought here sight unseen, could not meet Reilly before a decision was made, had to rely on the judgement and description of strangers
-had been in the shelter too long and thus developed behavioral issues that required intensive work not appropriate for a family with an existing dog and a child to handle
-adult female= worse odds with Rei

Rei loves Timber. He is our neighbors' puppy. When we go up the road when he is outside, she makes noises to him. We'd call it crying or whining, but she isn't SAD, she is excited and wants him to come over and play. Days ago, we had a quick play time with Timber on our way to school bus and she got real low and rolled down the snowbank on her side. He rolled with her. They got up and rolled again and lay on their bellies in the snow whuffling their snouts under the snowballs. Yes it WAS cute.

She met Buster, a JR Terrier who has no idea that he is only marginally bigger than a cat. He rears up and puts his chest against Reillys, and she opens her mouth to say Yaaaawwwww!, they bow, and she gets real low to put her head under him and catch his front legs. She knows how to play with the young and small or the small and mighty. When she plays with dogs her own size, she can go full force, and the body slams and tumbles and leaps she has in her matches with Hobie are the stuff WOWS are made of.

The Dog Who Ruins Everything
Mood:  quizzical
Topic: kinds of dogues
My sister may have found a good candidate for Second Dog.
Oh? I thought you tried that.
Well, I did, and I sortof scratched that off my list. But she feels this dog has promise- he's still friendly and reasonable and hasn't been in the shelter too long -Reilly sized, less than a year old, and... he's mostly brindle.
Some days I think its too much. I spend HOW much time every day on these dogs?
Mmm.
I say to myself, WHY did i get a second dog? But its only some days.
Ah.
But YOU, YOU are getting your life back now that your daughter is growing up, going to school, you are working on your business. I'd think twice if i were you.
Yeah, and Rei is so good and trusty, and she gets along with all these dogs here.
He could turn out to be The Dog Who Ruins Everything.
I guess...

He's an english Springer spaniel.
Ive never seen one so speckley.
He's the field kind.
How old?
8. He's a senior. We got him a year ago.
Good for you for adopting an older dog. The puppies just FLY off the shelves, as they say...
Nooo...I don't have TIME for That Puppy Thing- no thank you!

Scott put the kibosh on fostering.
Did he?
He says it wouldn't be fair to Cody to bring another male into the house.
Since when does he care about what Cody thinks?
He says it wouldn't be fair to Cody to bring another male into the house, even temporarily.
Oh well, perhaps it is not meant to be- you know how sometimes you make up overly elaborate schemes to get something done and you are just trying too hard against fate?
Yeah...
maybe we're trying too hard.
I just feel there's something about him, that he'll be such a great dog if I can just get him out of the shelter. It's going to take the right owner though.
I hear you. he's already too big for the puppy factor to help out.
Yeah it has to be someone who likes big dogs, who is already used to big dogs.
Big Brindle Dogs.
Yes! Like you!
I know it. Well, go back to volunteer on Saturday and see what more you can ascertain about his personality, see if he can be calm and sit for a cookie, walk nicely, pay attention. notice if he bolts after squirrells, prey drive kindof thing.
If it's meant to be it will work out.
See how it goes.
When you come down for Easter you need to come see him. Although that's two months away.
Raye has all next week off of school, but it'd take an awful lot of convincing to get Jeff to go along with Raye, Rei and I driving to Pennsylvania to look at a DOG. I mean, he'd have to shake gold coins out of his left ear to get Jeff aboard.

Cold nose, warm heart
Mood:  special
I have a cold. in my nose.
BUT I am having a happy Valentine's Day because my very clever lover Jeff remembered overhearing me lament how I thought those big heart shaped boxes of candy were in a way very disappointing if you- like me- don't like weird chocolates that might- with no warning whatsoever- have a huge almond, or coconut or caramel in them. No Forrest Gump, I. I said that'd be nicer if they were full of candy you actually liked, all of them! So he bought a heart box of chocolates, and removed all the weird ones and replaced them with mini size 3 Musketeers bars in the little crinkle paper cups. Delight!

Rei and I snowshoed today again. The snow has compacted a little, so it is more like a dry sugar than flour. The sun is shining brightly again, and temps are rising so soon the snow will become firmer. The first dog we met was a rambunctious golden retriever we didnt know. We soon understood that her name was Lacey, because her owner kept calling her to come and she completely ignored her. Com. Plete. Ly. Lacey ran up behind us and crouched and wiggled and popped and squirmed like she would explode. She circled me and jumped up on me. Rei growled at her for grovelling all around me and jumping. If Lacey moved away from me to expend some of her extra bliss in a snowbank, Rei truned back to walk on the trail. But with Rei on track, and her owner still calling, Lacey just came back over to me bursting with joy and rolling on the tails of my snowshoes. Rei growled at her and escorted her away again. If we began to walk, Lacey returned. The best thing to do when a dog is mor einterested in you than her owner is to become very boring. We stood still and Lacey eventually walked back to her mother, who sensibly leashed her so we could continue.

We met a husky named Kylie, on a very long leash, who played with Rei briefly. Her owner guessed that Rei was a mastiff mix. She told her dog, "No crazy running, now!" and leashed up to go. I think Kylie would stand to burn off some energy with Crazy Running and playing with Rei, but to each their own- Kylie needs to be good at returning to her owner in order to be allowed Crazy Running.

I thought about a second dog as we walked along. It is easy to imagine a second dog at the field. It is less easy to imagine a second dog in the car driving to Pennsylvania with the family and all our luggage. It is not easy to imagine a second dog on leash at PetSmart. Why think about a second dog at all? Haven't I been saying that Reilly is great, and I enjoy our bond very much- just me and Rei? That she gets lots of social time with other dogs every day at the field so as to make a full time dog pal unnecessary? Didnt I scratch off 2nd Dog after Kaylee Ann did not work out? Did not Anita, Sophie's mom, just ask me yesterday morning if I had abandoned the idea of 2 dogs- and what did I say? I said well, its there in the back of my mind but I am not actively DOING anything about it. I am happy enough as we are and can wait until the Dog Hand on the clock comes around again.

Laura is volunteering at the dog shelter in Pennsylvania and noticed a particular one out of the 70 dogs that live there who stands out. She says that most of the dogs are either obnoxious, rude and jumpy or shy and fearful, but that this fellow is neither- he is lovey and affectionate. Don't get me wrong, she says, he is large and energetic and does not get enough exercise in his pen and is completely untrained. "sit? what?" But she sees that he has the potential with stability and training to become a good pet dog, wheras most of the other dogs have much more serious behavior issues. He is brindle and white, leggy and about 65lbs., less than a year old, picked up as a stray wandering with an older female whom he is penned with. She nips his ears when he annoys her with his energy. He has a wire coat and a brindley tail with a little white tip. Laura feels he may be a good candidate for a second dog for us. Or maybe more accurately that WE might be a good candidate for a home for him. He reminds her of Reilly, and she thinks I ought to meet him and consider him as a second dog. She may foster him to see better what he is really like- around cats, in a house. She may bring him up to meet Reilly.

I am not actively looking for a second dog, but I'd give consideration to the right dog. Male, not bossy. Someone Reilly can meet before we decide. Someone who doesn't eat cats.

But Reilly is very good and trustable. She doesn't eat the books off the shelves, doesn't bother the cats, is gentle, comes when called most of the time, is clean in the house, and doesn't even shed very much. I can trust her loose at the field or on a hike. We have it pretty good.

But this dog does not have it very good, and he is still helpable. People adopt little fuzzy puppies and not so much large dogs. As we have seen, many not-so-doggish people equate brindle color with dogs in the news that bite. Of the 7 pups in Reilly's litter, she was the only brindle and the only one left when I got there. I happen to like large brindle dogs, and I like to think I train em up right to reward their gentle cooperative qualities. Maybe Rei and I can help this guy- she would have to train him too, leading by example. I am sure that my human family would need some convincing.

But it reminds me of the books I have read lately, of people who have very rewarding relationships with more than one dog. Rei will not be diminished. Its easy to find cute puppies with sad stories on Petfinder any day you can name. The situation reminds me of the parable of the guy on the beach, hucking stranded starfish back into the sea. Someone comes up and says, Dude, there's like a million starfish on this beach, you can't save them all, what'll it matter if you throw a couple back?

Matters to that one, he says.

Day After the Snowstorm
Mood:  cool
Topic: the field
Yesterday we had a foot plus of snow- it's the texture of all purpose flour and a delight to shovel - if you must- and to snowshoe in. Rei and I went to the field under this glorious blue sky and went across the windy corn part and into the forest. When we came out of the forest, the wind had left for other pastures and we were soon met by Neil on his snowshoes with his dog Casey, we agreed what a great day it was to be snowshoeing and how much better we like snowshoeing vs x-c skiing. The dogs played and wrestled in the deep drifts and their wet manes became icy and spikey from all the roughhousing in the snow. One set of tracks was there before us, but we met no other people or dogs, and hiked up the hill and around. it was very pleasant to walk with someone feeling as much joy as Neil seemed to be- he is a teacher and his school is having a snow day today. He let me try his trekking poles that I can't seem to decide if I should want or not- they are helpful going uphill, but I enjoy the freedom of just walking, arms swinging. Dog-patting, cookie getting, camera fishing, need a tissue kind of arms. This snow, while it did snow my team out of the second half of a hockey tournament, is the best snow of the winter so far.

Dogue-a-Dye-Day
Today Rei is a Great Dane mix again (second day in a row, two different strangers). Laura says, "well...she IS pretty Great!" It's amazing how the same dog can be so obviously a great dane, a pit bull, a ridgeback, a greyhound, and a mastiff to different people. Her trainer as a puppy said she looks like "a terrier" but that's more easily believed when pups are young and small, less so when they grow to 72 lbs?

We visited mom at the bank. Usually Rei stands up at the window with her paws on the counter and tellers pass her biscuits. Most customers are delighted to see a calm dog making a withdrawal from her biscuit account. Some ask to pet her, and I'm proud to say that she stands still and gently wags her tail. As a puppy she would sometimes be afraid of men, but she seems to be over that. When the biscuits are no longer forthcoming, she lies down on the rug and rests, all stretched out like she lives there. The adults drone on about boring non-cookie things. Reilly knows where the door to the tellers is, and sometimes she goes right to that door and waits to be buzzed in. Once 'in the back' she knows where the cookies are kept and will do her sits and downs. I kindof wonder if anyone reviews the security camera videos of bank tellers tossing animal crackers for a large dog to jump and catch ?

So I have got my town paper's attention for my recent creative luck- a goalie wearing bears drawn by me on his helmet has led a recent hot streak by the Boston Bruins- and the editor has asked me for a photo of myself for the story. I am a modest girl and dont see a lot of point in having photos of myself around, so I'll have to compose one and have Jeff take it. Last issue they had a photo of another of Grafton's proud daughters - one of my sister's classmates- who is currently in Torino as a member of the US bobsled team. She is dressed in her bobsled tights and stands kindof in the Warrior yoga posture, holds her helmet on her hip and looks off to the left as a fierce wind blows her hair about to the right. Very Wonder Woman, I say. It's fun to think of how I might make my photo... :D

I have been reflecting a lot on achievement and luck and skill and odds and timing and such. I have been recalling the diversity of projects I have been involved in, and the very strange and interesting people I have met through my freelancing. I don't make much money but there seems to be a trade off of richness in other areas. I am having a Paul Gaughin moment- "Where did I come from? Where am I going?" Or maybe it's more accurately a David Byrne moment, "You may say to yourself: Well? How did I get here?"

A growly sigh...my dogue is bored now. She is bored with me working so much. So much sitting still...

Sign of spring
Mood:  lucky
Two days ago Jeff noticed our snowdrops are up. These are little white flowers on about 4 inch stems. We had a very mild January, some guys found ticks on the dogs and Frontlined them, but its back to below freezing now. I don;t know if this means doom for the snowdrops. Since this was once Mom's house, I asked her if this was early for snowdrops- and it is. Usually mid march, not mid february. Crocuses are early flowers, but not as early as snowdrops. Crocuses mean spring is actually here, snowdrops mean it is thinking about being spring sometime soon.

Yesterday we found a deer's spine/ribcage combo- no head, legs- in the woods. Rei looked at it and sniffed it but did not try to taste it, which is nice. Other animals had broken off some ribs or parts of them anyway- coyotes or other dogs I suppose. It didnt take a lot of fuss to keep Rei moving.

Tom at the field today told me that you should only give the dogs cooked bones to be safe, plus there is always danger of them breaking and splintering, which I would have disbelieved except that a couple weeks ago Rei cracked a shinbone very quickly into many shards. So today I washed all the nylabones and rubbed a little dog toothpaste into the rough ends for her.

Dem Bones, Dem Raw Bones
Mood:  spacey
So I did a stupid thing last night. (wonder how many blogs have that sentence in them...) I was at the grocery store choosing meat for dinner when another customer parallel parked his cart nearby and hailed the butcher. "Yeah, could I get some marrow bones?" and the butcher brought out two white leg bones and cut them in half for the guy- he put them on foam trays, shrink wrapped them and put a meat dept sticker on them. I asked the guy if those were for his dog.

Yes, he said, I have a Westie and an English Springer and these keep them busy for hours.

So, you can just ASK the butcher for bones for your dog? (I am SUCH a Yankee..)

Sure.

and do you have to cook them?

Well, I do, because its easier.

These are Outside Bones, aren't they? I asked envisioning Reilly having the time of her life chewing up a bone and leaving a sluglike trail of bone goo in my house.

Oh, yes!

The butcher came through the swinging doors wheeling a tower of meat trays- "Why I have a big old lab and I just give 'em to him like that."

The customer offered me one of the packs of bones. I thought OK, Rei would like this, and I have always been a bit suspicious of the brown crumbly stuff on the store bones. Caramel color, maltodextrin or whatever....here were fresh natural bones right from the freezer. No added anything. I thought of all the yucky things dogs chew, and all the nasty cow bones our old dog Fred used to bring out of the woods. This seemed a healthier, natural thing. We went home and I gave my grateful pooch a 5 inch tube of bone and marrow with a little bit of yucky tendon attached- yes, you go outside and enjoy your Yucky Bone!

She chomped and chewed and gnawed for about an hour and a half. It got dark, Jeff came home, and she came inside. I took the bone- even yuckier now becasue it had bits of grass and soil on it- rised it off, wrapped it in a plastic grocery bag and tucked in discreetly in the fridge. Rather hygenically, I thought.

Rei walked around the kitchen for a minute or two and began to stagger a little, she dropped her butt down and seemed weak. She looked miserable and went by the door and sat very glum. This being very unlike my dog, who either stands or lays down, (she thinks sitting is a "trick" and only does it for treats) I took her out on leash. She immediately squatted and crept weakly around the back yard, looking for someplace comfy- I allowed her a long lead to see what she wanted to do, and to my distress she circled next to the brush pile and nudged her head under the sticks. She crawled under the brush and lay down. In the cold dark night. I sat beside her. Obviously sick, did she think she was going to die?

I petted her head and mane and I thought about how she doesn't actually like to be petted, that it probably gave her no comfort and possibly annoyed her. I thought about how dogs in pain can bite if they are frightened or annoyed. She did neither. She was very sick and weak and weary. I sat with her and felt sad and stupid for giving her a raw bone. I could not believe that a bone could make her sick this quickly. Why did I give it her? Betrayed by a would be treasured prize, I made my dog sick. I had no idea how sick- a little sick? She isnt even three years old yet, I thought, way to be a good dog mom.

I noticed then that she picked up her head and lifted her ears a little, looking over at Alan's house. I felt better, she was not SO miserable. I asked her to get up and she didnt so I resolved to carry her inside. When I put myhands under her belly she stood and walked inside with me. We lay some towels in the kitchen and I sat with her, I asked her to lay down on the towel and she did.

Our vet was still open till 8pm, so I called and the receptionist said that they had no appointments till 3pm tomorrow, but she'd ask a tech about what to look for. (short answer: Raw bones= bad due to salmonella, and unecessary to take the risk. Look for major ejection of contents, either end.) I thought about how quickly I get sick after eating suspect food. Maybe its not so odd for Rei to get sick so quickly. While I was on hold, Rei gave up the entire contents of her gastronomic day...and began to feel better! She puked one more time and was perky and playful. Kindof like No-Face in Spirited Away...except not angry.

I feel very lucky. (Not AS lucky as the time she pooped out a 2 inch sewing pin I did not know she ate- THAT could have been a disaster. One of Reilly's spaniel friends ate a rubber snake that his owner said never reappeared on the flip side. hmmm...) I tossed out the bones. I did not even feel like cooking the other one to try again. Lets just take a break and be happy with what we have. Probably cooking them is fine, and probably many of the bones the dogs ran around with when I was a child were well-picked apart by the time the dogs got them. Or maybe the dogs felt sick and took care of it themselves and I never noticed. I know some people feed their dogs a raw diet, so I can't say its awful and wrong and a bad idea, but its just not what Rei and I are going to do right now. She does very well on her dry dog food- she is fit and trim and her eyes are bright. Her coat is soft and shiny and she is strong and active. Ans as dogs go, she actually smells pretty neutral.

Chasmic Thing
Mood:  cool
Now Playing: b52s
Today I had to drop a paper off at Raye's class- she forgot her journal topic notes that she wrote, so in order to avoid any reason to have difficulty in her journal writing, Rei and I stopped to drop them off and decided to continue on to Sutton and walk at Purgatory Chasm today instead of the field. I figured we'd walk the perimeter loop and avoid the chasm itself since it was certainly all wet at the bottom and very likely icy in spots still- this being a deep shady gorge in Massachusetts in February and all.

We began all right and even though there was nobody else there, I imagined as we walked along that some park ranger would happen by on patrol and that his pleasure of seeing me with a baggie as a person who picks up after their dog would outweigh my technical foul of her being off-leash. But this did not happen. Purgatory Chasm is full of city kids bussed in for field trips in the summer, but in February it is as dead as its name implies.

At the far southern end of the Chasm, the loop path is intersected by the trail that comes out of the chasm floor. My intention was to jettison my baggie in the trash can there- sort of like discovering a shining gas lamppost in the middle of the forest- and continue on the perimeter path, but Rei went up the chasm path and looked back.

Well? Ya coming, or what?

So I said sure and followed her. It was very wet and she ranged ahead and would appear on top of a rock, over my head looking down at me- I'd say "Hey there, you big brave dog! Whatcha doing up there?" and she'd run back down the slopey side she came up and meet me on that side when I came around in my slow human way. She kept going in and seemed rather intent on the trail and somewhat nervous. I know she finds scrambling on difficult parts of the chasm scary, so I have not asked her to go this way in over a year. Sortof gave up on it, because Rei and I have a deal that I won't ask her to do scary things that aren't necessary.

When the path began to get tough, she proceeded, and realizing that she had willingly gone farther in the gorge than in the recent past, I gave her a small treat. Good girl- you are so brave! We continued and the scrambling got more tricky with holes between rocks or narrow spots. I think the ice in the chasm levelled some areas out and filled some otherwise scary holes between rocks.

Finally we got to a spot that Rei was afraid to go on. It was very close to the top end, and some of the stages we came up would be harder to go down if we turned back. I went ahead of her and called her along. I showed her how I went. She sniffed and looked at me longingly and put her ears back in concern. I want to go with you, but this is really scary for me. I showed her treats and gently, calmly encouraged her if she lowered her head and looked for a foothold. She wanted to come but was afraid. I went back and put my body over the hole that was closest to her and stroked her mane. We talked. Thinking she might be emboldened by the control of a leash-walk style situation, I put on her leash. She looked at the rocks but did not go. It seemed like we had been sitting there a while, so I gave her a tug. She pulled back in fright and I pulled back and then I said to myself- "Hey!- this isn't our deal. We don't DO this, remember?" and I let the leash slack. It was more frightening, and more dangerous to get into leash tugging and it did not build trust, it was bossy and created fear and mistrust. I apologized and told her to wait, I gave her a cookie.

Luckily dogs are good forgivers, and in a few minutes I was able to coax her across that scary place and I praised and cookied her. She trotted ahead to the next area, and paused for a drink. I led her across some ice - no leash- and we had to climb another jumble of boulders that seemed very frightening to her. It reminded me about how running up and down the stairs at home is fine on two legs but if I went down the stairs hands-first on 4 legs when I was a child it is quite scary to have your face pointing down like that.

Rei whined and would not go the way I had come. This way was more tricky than the last sticky place, so Rei chose to try a higher route up the chasm wall. I went back to where she was and cookied her, and we went up her new way together. It was very high and I might have been able to climb even a little farther using roots and got over the lip of the chasm to the top side, but that seemed a bit insane for a large non-primate. I could see the car from here. I showed Rei the car.

I regretted permitting the route choice. She had to come over the top of a triangle rock to a flat place on the other side. I stood there and would hold her from going too far down onto the soil- it was like a step. I remembered that she had done this twice before as a puppy and as a younger dog. I considered that it might have been bad leadership to put her in this position, to ask her do something so scary, and when the answer could not safely be NO.

Then I thought, well... leadership happens when leadership is required, and she needs to trust me right now that even if something is scary that I will not let her get hurt. She put her paws on the top of the rock, I gave her two small treats. Good girl, you can do it, Rei!

I asked her to come on over and I placed my body in front of the scenery so all she could see was me and the landing spot. A small space. She came all the way over and I held her up so her momentum (she is a long-legged 72- lb dog) would not carry her too far down the other side. I treated her again and turned to show her the way down to the next landing. She followed and I gave her several cookies and told her what a brave, and safe dog she is. She led me out the rest of the way and then we fooled around on level areas for a while so she could forget the scary part. We went to the car, had cookies and a quick stop at petsmart for a special new bone and home.

Another shopper visited Reilly and told me her body shape was like a great dane. I admitted that she did have big feet as well. She said her neighbor's dog was also brindle, but that it was a ....hmmm....not a bulldog...what are they called? a pitbull! I told her I am often asked if Rei is a pitbull and she scoffed. No! They are much shorter and wider. She said her neighbor's dog was the sweetest thing. I said I figured Reilly is very well mixed and I love her because she is a Good dog.

I will not ask her to climb the chasm again, and I probably will call her away if she wants to go in there again. I think the far lower end is fun for her but I need to identify the point where we have to turn back before turning back becomes scary. the three times I have hiked the chasm with her we have always gone up it, never down, which is much scarier for humans as well. I don't think she really means to challenge herself in this way, and while I am glad she did the whole thing under her own steam and by her own will- no leash dragging, no carrying- and I am glad she trusted me despite her fear, I think a good leader chooses the route that wont scare anybody. or at least not beyond their ability to trust you again.

not unlike choosing movies for the family.