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LIVING & TRAVEL

Santa Claus
interviewed by Tripod on December 20, 1995

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"Ho ho ho!"

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Santa Claus is an internationally known gift-giver who resides somewhere in the North Pole.

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Tripod: How are preparations going for the big night?

Santa: Ho ho ho. Well, the elves are trying to unionize. They went on strike, so we had to bring in the Oompah Loompahs from Wonka's Factory.

Tripod: Do you still do all of your production in-house, or have you started to contract some of your work out to outside toy companies?

Santa: Ho ho ho. Those damn Power Rangers are wiping us out.

Tripod: Have you been hitting the sales?

Santa: Don't even go there! Visa's lawyers are calling 24/7 because of Mrs. Claus, that ... Ho ho ho.

Tripod: Is this a busy year as far as the number of stops you'll have to make?

Santa: Ho ho ho. Haven't you heard that Islam is the world's fastest growing religion?

Tripod: Why don't more people believe in you?

Santa: Ho ho ho. Would you believe in a fat guy who lives in the North Pole with a bunch of midgets, if you weren't talking to me?

Tripod: How do you keep warm while your making the rounds?

Santa: Ho ho ho. It'll be Absolut Christmas!

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"Mrs. Claus is a hard woman to satisfy."

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Tripod: You're on the Net now -- you obviously stay on top of new technology. Why do you stick with the reindeer, man?

Santa: Ho ho ho. Rudolph the red-nosed Range Rover just doesn't cut it with the kids.

Tripod: Looking at your good and bad lists this season, where do Tripod members stand?

Santa: Ho ho ho. You guys are a good bunch. Not like those people at Word. They think they're too cool for me.

Tripod: Who's high up on your naughty list this year? Anyone famous?

Santa: Ho ho ho. Newt's getting a few lumps of coal, for sure. And your CEO, Bo Peabody, has been a little naughty -- no plastic discs for him!

Tripod: Do you ever worry about leaving Mrs. Claus alone with all those elves?

Santa: Ho ho ho. Those little guys? Mrs. Claus is a hard woman to satisfy.

Tripod: How did this tradition of sitting on Santa's lap evolve? It all seems a little shady to me.

Santa: Ho ho ho ... Ho ho ho.