Read Tripod's Tools for Thought.

Tripod Home | New | TriTeca | Work/Money | Politics/Community | Living/Travel | Planet T | Daily Scoop

Answer to Puzzler #41


The winner of this puzzler was Tripod member "sunny20," who gets a fancy Tripod T-shirt.

You can try your hand at Past Puzzlers, too!


The Scenario:

When they first met several weeks ago, Sam and Judy felt a spark immediately. Each was pleased to discover that the other was single, and they made plans to meet again.

Things heated up pretty quickly, and on their third date they went back to Judy's place after a great night out. It wasn't long before their physical attraction took charge: They undressed slowly and passionately in the candlelight, and started to make love. Suddenly Sam, to his surprise and dismay, found that his erection just disappeared. Hard as he tried, it seemed to have no intention of coming back. Judy comforted him and told him not to worry about it. But he was embarrassed and disappointed. It had been quite a while since he had had sex, but this had never been a problem before. In fact, in the past, he used to get a little too excited, and sometimes came before his partner had a chance to relax and enjoy herself.

Questions: Is Sam's impotence likely to be a physical or mental problem?

  • What should he do?
  • What could she do or say that might help?


    Answer:

    Why is it that Sam, who had never before had a problem with sex, might suddenly have difficulty maintaining an erection? Had something changed within him? Had he developed a physical problem? Or was it his nerves? Impotence does have many physical causes, such as poor blood flow to the penis, low testosterone hormone levels, or a problem with the nervous system.

    The scenario for Sam, however, would be most consistent with a temporary psychological problem. Perhaps he felt a bit of performance anxiety; or was nervous having sex with Judy for the first time. And perhaps "really liking her" added additional pressure to the situation. In the past, Sam has had trouble with premature ejaculation. This too is associated with anxiety around sexual intimacy, so these problems may be related.

    A number of people were concerned that "having a great night out" meant having a lot to drink. A good thought, as alcohol is known to reduce sexual responsiveness.

    In a situation like this, impotence will often disappear of its own accord. The less pressure put on the situation, the better. Sam can shift his attention to other ways of being intimate with Judy. He may want to express his physical attraction and desire for her by simply lying with her, stroking her, talking with her, etc... And Judy can help reduce the pressure he is feeling by responding to and encouraging his overtures, perhaps playing down her desire for intercourse.

    All in all, it's not apt to take too long before Sam feels like a man again.


    Tripod Home | New | TriTeca | Work/Money | Politics/Community | Living/Travel | Planet T | Daily Scoop

    Map | Search | Help | Send Us Comments