Rule #2: If you cannot afford a cordless drill, buy him anything with the word ratchet or socket in it. Men love saying those two words. "Hey, George, can I borrow your ratchet?" "Okay. By the way, are you through with my 3/8" socket yet?" Again, no one knows why.

Rule #3: If you are really, really broke, buy him anything for his car. A 99 cent ice scraper he won't use in Arizona, a bottle of washer fluid, or something to hang from his rear view mirror. Men love gifts for their cars. No one knows why.

Rule #4: Do not buy men socks. Do not buy men ties. And never buy men bathrobes. I was told that if God had wanted men to wear bathrobes, he wouldn't have invented jockey shorts.

Rule #5: You can buy men new remote controls to replace the ones they have worn out. If you have a lot of money,  buy your man a big screen TV with the little picture in the corner. Watch him go wild as he flips and flips and flips the channel.

Rule #7: Buy men label makers. Label makers are almost as good as cordless drills. Within a couple of weeks there will be labels absolutely everywhere. "Socks. Shorts. Cups. Saucers. Door. Lock. Sink. Beer. Dog." (You get the idea.) Once again, no one knows why.

Rule #8: Never buy a man anything and then tell him he should read the instructions because the box says "some assembly required". It will ruin his 'Special Day'. He will always have parts left over. As long as he's not assembling a gift for a child--don't worry about it.

Rule #9: Good places to shop for men include Home Depot, John Deere, Valley RV Center, Harley Davidson, Discount Tire, BBQ's Galore and Fry's Electronics. NAPA Auto Parts and Sear's Clearance Centers are also excellent men's stores. It doesn't matter if he doesn't know what it is. "From NAPA Auto, eh? Must be something I need. Hey! Isn't this a starter for a '68 Ford Fairlane? Wow! Thanks honey!"

Rule #10: Men enjoy danger. That's why they never cook but they will barbecue. Get him a giant gas grill with a 100-lb propane tank. Tell him the gas line leaks. Oh, the thrill! The challenge! "Hey, who wants a hamburger?"

Rule #11: Tickets to a Diamondback's game are a smart gift. However, he will not appreciate tickets to "A Retrospective of 19th Century Quilts." Everyone knows why.

Rule #12: Men love chain saws. Never, ever, buy the man you love a chain saw. If you don't know why, please refer to Rule #7 (Remember what happens when he gets a label maker?)

Rule #13: It's hard to beat a really good wheelbarrow or an aluminum extension ladder. Never buy a real man a stepladder. It must be an extension ladder. Say it with me...No one knows why.

Rule #14: Rope. Men love rope. It takes them back to their cowboy origins, or at least the Boy Scouts. Nothing says "good gift" like a hundred feet of 3/8" manila rope. However, nothing says "I love you" to a man like 1/2" multi-colored poly rope. Once again, no one knows why.

Rule #15 NASCAR. Most men love racing. Season passes if you are rich would make a nice gift...at least it gets your man out of the house 36 weekends a year...

RULE #16: Tarps. Men love tarps. Big ones - at least 10' x 12'. Helps haul the leaves out to the street or cover the dead cars in the yard. Make sure it is green or brown to remind him of the bachelor pad days with brown carpeting and green table cloths.